I was out with my family having Christmas dinner, and as we went around the table making our resolutions, my mind went blank. This happened partly because I didn’t want to set myself up for failure: I know how hard it is to implement new habits and break old patterns. My resolutions usually last from Jan. 1 to Jan. 12 (if that). And when I do fail to follow through, I start to judge myself as a failure. So, I thought: I am not going to do that to myself again this year. But, at the same time, there are things I’d like to change and improve upon. So, what do I do?

To manage this problem, some of my wiser friends commit to “New Year’s intentions,” rather than resolutions. I like that better.

Intentions set a direction toward a new vision, opening the vista to see where one wants to go, making it easier to go toward the intention. There is less resistance with intentions than with resolutions.

My mother (those of you who have read my book and my many blogs know how much I rely on her wisdom) had a mantra that she used to tell me and my sister whenever we had a challenge or wanted to achieve something that seemed impossible: There is always a solution.

This mantra is an approach that fits my sensibility for what I want this new year. Let’s say I want to feel lighter in my body and want to let go of some excess weight. If I say to myself, there is always a solution, my creative self starts to come up with strategies for releasing weight.

Solution Number 1: Get more sleep, set an intention to go to bed before midnight (I am a night owl), play soft music before bed, turn off the TV, and put down my Blackberry earlier.

Solution Number 2: Increase my daily movement, cardio for 30 minutes, take a Zumba class, make workout dates with my friends.

Solution Number 3: Continue my no-wheat, no-sugar diet and find treats to eat that don’t have sugar.

Solution Number 4: Meet with fun buddies to work out with, share, and ask for support.

Solution Number 5: Make lists of foods that make my body feel good and start with a healthy breakfast.

My creative part ignites and helps me find solutions. Instead of being stressed, my problems feel like a scavenger hunt, and I am engaged. There are no “shoulds” — instead, my issues feel like a puzzle, where infinite solutions await to be unlocked.

Now, let’s say I am dissatisfied with my romantic relationship. Tell yourself loud and clear: There is always a solution! And then find it.

Now we have opened the field of possibilities, and we are no longer stuck. We might not see the solution right away, but there is relief that comes simply from the process of searching for a solution.

Solution Number 1: Talk to a wise friend who understands relationships to help see new strategies and opportunities to connect.

Solution Number 2: Talk to your partner about what is dissatisfying in the relationship.

Solution Number 3: Ask for divine inspiration and assistance from your higher self to help you see with clarity.

Solution Number 4: Explore the option of leaving and moving on. Ask: Is it better to be on my own?

Solution Number 5: Stay and ask him or her to create an ideal scene of what we need to do to enhance openness and lovingness.

When we think in terms of solutions, we see opportunities of growth and improvement, and we have our inner cooperation. When we think in terms of solutions, our consciousness cannot dwell in the luxury of negativity or depression or bitching that life isn’t fair. When we think in terms of solutions, we are busy solving our conditions and seeing that we are not alone. Within us lies a mechanism that is dying for us to succeed to have what we want to have.

Within us lies an intelligence that stays dormant if we complain — if we rely on wishful thinking and don’t act. If we put the responsibility on others, blame life for things that should be different or better, or even blame and criticize ourselves for not doing better, we are trapped, and the boogie man wins.

So instead, let’s open it up to this amazing being that resides within us.

First, accept things exactly as they are. That includes accepting ourselves. We must allow our imperfections to breathe, exhale, and have space. Then, as we take dominion of all of our qualities from that presence of seeing the perfection, we will see the solutions that are offered to us to make the changes we want, from the little personal things to the bigger issues that we face.

And let us be our own cheerleaders by broadcasting and amplifying: There is always a solution!

Let’s now go find it. Because we are the creators, and we are never alone in this process of our human growth and evolution.

Wishing you a year of unbound hearts that are filled with solutions for all you want and you deserve. The best is yet to come.

For more by Agapi Stassinopoulos, click here.

For more on New Year’s 2013, click here.

I don’t surf, and I don’t think I ever will. Actually, I must confess I don’t even put my head under water — I never learned. I swim like a little duck, head up, feet under, and enjoy the friendly Aegean much more than the overwhelming ocean. But I do enjoy watching others surf immensely and thank God that it is not me out there holding on for dear life. However, I often compare my life to surfing. I love those high waves when I see the surfers ride them and glide across the ocean. In my life, I call those waves my waves of happiness.

My waves of happiness are a return to myself. They are an inner connection that happens when I am riding the essence of myself — pure and clear. It feels like I am in the sound of my spirit. There is no interference. There is more of me than the world. When my wave happens, I am suddenly above the world like a surfer above the ocean, and no matter what I am doing, I am riding the wave completely — no part left behind.

Recently, I have been observing when these waves come for me, what makes them occur in my life, how to stay on them as long as I can, as well as what knocks me off my wave and pulls me under. Where is this personal wave of happiness? How can we find it? How do we stay on it as long as possible? And what brings us there?

Is it peaceful meditation, soothing yoga, a nice walk, a good jog, moving poetry, or writing down what you are feeling? Is it spending time with your friends or being of service to someone else? Is it watching an uplifting movie or television show? Is it doing daily affirmations, getting chores done, redecorating your home, or having a friendly game of table tennis? Or is it cooking your favorite meal, harmoniously singing, or walking through all of the splendor that is nature? Or the wave suddenly appears as you let go of some long preoccupation and move into trusting that it all will work out. What actions bring you out of your worldly self and onto your inner wave? Whatever brings you there, you must do it and then be careful to pay attention to what pulls you under.

My dear friend Joan Witkowski teaches breathing coordination in New York. She gets her students to relax the diaphragm, loosen their jaws, relax their ribcage and sternum, ultimately helping them reconnect with their natural way of breathing, like when we were babies. She takes her students back to the time before they began manipulating and holding their breath. And then she gently helps them count with sustainable sounds. It is amazing how an AHHHHH or an OOOOOHHHHH that is naturally intoned on the exhale and not forced can get me back to myself.

Sound and breathing naturally have always provided a quick return to myself. That is one of the reasons I love speaking so much. When I speak to groups, I am in myself and freely ride my wave. I become present in the center of my energy. The wave allows me to speak from a connected place, sharing my knowledge and expressing what I need to communicate. It is then that I manage to get out of my own way and I am able to return to my Self. Ah! There is the key — to get out of your own way and to let yourself be.

I often experience my wave after the deep relaxation of a yoga class in Savasana. I come back to myself, and I feel elated. Another time is when I read aloud the mystic poetry of Rumi, Kabir, and the sonnets of Shakespeare, or when I listen to the work of Mozart and the Bobby McFerrin classic “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” These small things always return me to my Self. Especially when I read Kabir’s poem that goes like this:

“Are you looking for me? I’m in the next seat. My shoulder is against yours… When you look for me, you will see me instantly. You will find me in the tiniest house of time. Children, tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath.”

Whatever your thing is, find it.

Now, what pulls us under? Is it inner or outer pressure? The world is filled with things that don’t vibrate with ourselves, the exhausting amount of worldly consumption that we take in every day — news, emails, Facebook, deadlines, events, pushing our projects forward, promoting our work, things not going our way, and things going our way — pressuring us to do even MORE. Our inner judgments, our critical internal voices, our comparisons to others, our desire to fix ourselves, our concerns with the opinions of others and “looking good” in their eyes, and fitting in all cause irritations, and disturbances are the riptides of life; they pull us all the way to the bottom, making it so hard to ride our wave of happiness.

Everything that surrounds us has the potential to take us away from our Self and off of our wave of happiness. The world does not nurture our wave of happiness or support the unique way each one of us gets there. The grand illusion is that the more we do, and the more we engage in the world, the more we’ll accomplish, achieve, and the happier we will become. This thought, that these things can bring us to our desired point of self, is not so. The world is our school. It is our playground, and it is where we can work out our patterns and see ourselves for who we truly are. When we focus on these ideas, we are able to get closer to our waves.

When surfing, you often wait for the wave to come, and then you ride it. In our lives, the wonderful thing is that we can make that wave happen by engaging in what brings that about for us, making a habit of it by practicing riding our wave more often. If we approach life in that way we will not give our authority over to the world. The doorway to our self is personal, it is intimate, and it takes a commitment to accessing the joy that is our life stream that is available to us 24/7.

It is up to each one of us to see what brings us our waves of happiness and then listening and doing that, so that when you go out into the world it is easier. When our focus shifts the struggle diminishes, because we are now the cause of our life, rather than being an effect of the world.

I wrote a book called Unbinding the Heart. When I wrote it, I had this intention to speak from that inner wave, to share the experiences in my life that got me there, and the angst I had experienced when I didn’t know how I would ever get there. I made sure to be very transparent as I was writing it. I poured out my heart and soul, and it was so fulfilling for me, and it was a great additional gift when it resonated with others.

As I started promoting the book I had to make sure that I stayed on my wave of energy I was riding when I wrote it. It was a bigger challenge because I am much more engaged in the world, with all that goes in the spectrum of bringing a book to life.

While we may ride our waves separately, ultimately our waves are from the same ocean, so we are in it together — connected in the deep. So there is always recognition that we are never alone.

It is this kind of relationship with the Self — which is so exquisitely personal and is ultimately so fulfilling — that helps us realize that the wave is available to all of us, all the time. No one is denied when they make the commitment to know that place inside that gets us to our personal wave.

I guarantee if you go into the world wanting, you will end up swimming in the bottom. If you go into the world with a consciousness of offering, you will be riding your wave of happiness. Others will benefit greatly, and you’ll be the witness of all sort of miracles happening in your life.

Your wave is waiting for you to ride it. You deserve it, and you are worth it.

Share with me and our readers what makes you ride your wave of happiness and what knocks you down and pulls you under. I would love to hear from you!

For more by Agapi Stassinopoulos, click here.

For more on happiness, click here.

Article Source: The Huffington Post

My mother used to say, “You can’t be unhappy and grateful at the same time.” Over the years, I have found how right she was, in matters of the heart.

Often, we think of love as a big emotional experience and we put conditions on it. We think, if X, Y, and Z happen, I can experience love. We think of it as something outside ourselves that we suddenly arrive at one day. But actually that is not so.

I think of love like the air we are breathing. It’s always there, even if we don’t notice it. However, when our minds, emotions, preoccupations, shoulds, worries and doubts take over, they can profoundly interfere with experiencing the simple state of loving.

How do we access it? We need triggers so we can remind ourselves that love is always there. How do we know it in our hearts as a breathing, living, knowing, practical, grounded state of our daily existence? How do we know it when we feel challenged, when we’re running to our jobs and our kids are throwing temper tantrums and we’re late for the train and we can’t find our keys? How do we find that love in the hustle and bustle of life? When we feel criticized and rejected? When we are judging ourselves and our circumstances? When we don’t get what we want? When our colleague gets promoted for a job we wanted? When we ask for a raise and we don’t get it? When the bills are mounting and we don’t know how to pay them? Where is love then, and most importantly, how do we find it? How do we get back to our hearts? And why does it matter?

Here is the quickest fix for getting into your heart: BEING GRATEFUL. I believe that true gratitude can shift even the most negative emotions. As my mother used to say, we cannot occupy two conflicting states of emotion at the same time. If you are unhappy, challenged and feeling stuck, here is the key to shift: gratitude. “Change the channel to what you want to experience,” was another one of my mother’s favorite sayings.

Think about something you are grateful for. If the kids are screaming and they don’t want to put their jackets on, maybe take a deep breath and pause, feel grateful that you have kids who have jackets and that you have enough money to get on the train and even the fact that there is a train. If you’re upset that your colleague is getting a raise and promotion, can you take a moment to be really, really grateful that you still have a job?

I was recently watching the Oprah Lifeclass, where a mother talked about the call she got 11 years ago, when she learned her three daughters were in a terrible car accident. One daughter was told she’d never walk again. The other two daughters were in critical condition. They all survived to tell the story. The daughter who was told she couldn’t walk now walks, and is pregnant. When Oprah asked the daughters what they learned from this tragedy, they all replied, “Never take anything for granted.”

Life can change in an instant. I have never forgotten a quote I read in a Time magazine interview with Christopher Reeve, where he spoke about watching people do everyday things, like unbutton a jacket, pick up a fork, tie their shoes or walk up steps. He said, “If they only knew how lucky they are.”

He said this as he lay there with doctors and nurses trying to help him move his limbs, hooked up to all kinds of medical machines, including a ventilator. I wonder, why is it that we have to wait for something so tragic to happen to be grateful for the miracle of our lives?

I had an experience the other morning that brought this point home. As I was getting out of bed, I was overwhelmed by the day’s schedule, which was packed because I’m in the middle of my book tour for Unbinding the Heart. As I started to worry about how I would do it all, something inside said, “Get back to bed and start your day by being grateful.” So I spent a half-hour going over all the things I am grateful for, starting with the miracle of my body, my family and friends and the opportunity to do something I really love. It’s remarkable how, as I got out of bed, I had so much energy, joy and kept moving from one thing to the other without feeling overwhelmed. Riding the wave of gratitude can definitely keep your spirits high.

Gratitude leads to great-fullness, and this feeling of fullness is the entryway to our hearts when they are closed and shut off. Once we are in our hearts, we find solutions to the problems that once seemed overwhelming. Once you start on the road of gratitude, there is no limit, because there are so many things we take for granted and so many things we can be grateful for. Being in a state of gratitude can move you into a state of power and presence. From a state of gratitude, we can ask for help, and people are moved to help us. A state of gratitude puts us in a state of worthiness. In a state of worthiness, we know that we are not alone.

The five-step, quick fix to get you back to your heart:

1. Suspend all judgments of what is going on.
2. Change the channel to being grateful for every little thing.
3. Continue to be grateful and appreciative for things that are right in your life.
4. Observe how with gratitude things can shift for you.
5. Express your gratitude in words and actions to those around you.

For more by Agapi Stassinopoulos, click here.

For more on the spirit, click here.

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Article source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/gratitude_b_1822538.html

The stress and strains of our always-connected lives can sometimes take us off course. GPS For The Soul can help you find your way back to balance.

GPS Guides are our way of showing you what works for others in the hopes that you can find out what works for yourself. Whether it’s photos that relax you or make you smile, songs that bring you back to your heart, quotes or poems that balance you or meditative exercises that help de-stress you, we all have tricks that we use when we get bent out of shape. We encourage you to look at the GPS Guide below, visit our other GPS Guides here, and share with us your own personal tips for finding peace, balance and harmony.

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• ‘I am gazing into Love’s Eyes’

• ‘My Heart is filled with joy – La La La’

• ‘I celebrate the vastness of my Heart’

• ‘I walk steady on my feet as I am inner flying’

• ‘Life is fun!’

For more by Agapi Stassinopoulos, click here.

For more GPS Guides, click here.

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Article source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/gps-guide-unbinding-the-heart_b_1814106.html